“What brought
the spider to that height,
Then steered
the white moth thither in the night?
What but
design of darkness to appall –
If design
govern in a thing so small?”
Robert Frost. Part of a larger sonnet. Good for
him.
Why. That’s been on my mind all week. I think it’s
pretty clear that I’ve been a terrible person since all this started. I
certainly feel that way. Alone is how I should be, now – nobody gets hurt that
way, since the creature seems perfectly willing to enforce that I stay alone in
its own way.
But why did this start? Did I do something to
incur the wrath of this bastard? Did I NOT do something that I should have? Is
this some sort of divine punishment for sins?
Why. I cannot fathom why.
My week has been solitary. I ventured into town
for groceries once, and did not say a word to anyone, or make eye contact. I
can’t afford to get friendly. Nobody else will die because of me. I’ve tried to
bury myself in my work, in the hopes that doing so will provide some reason to
continue living. But I am pessimistic. I am damned to this slice of hell for
reasons I have not been blessed with understanding of.
Last night the creature finally reappeared outside
my window. I walked over to the window and stared it in the face. I’m not even
scared of it anymore. I think it’s just here to taunt me now. As I stared at
it, it moved its head slightly. It looked even more inhuman up close than it
did from afar. I was suddenly filled with an unbelievable rage, and ran out my
front door into the yard, standing feet away from the creature, with nothing
between us but air. I fumed and balled up my fist, my fingernails digging into
the palm of my hand, and in an instant all of my thoughts erupted forth.
I shouted at the top of my lungs.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT!?” The creature stared,
unmoving.
I inhaled sharply and continued. “I DON’T GET IT,
WHAT DID I DO? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT EVEN ARE YOU!?” It did not
move.
“JUST GIVE ME A SIGN, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT,
ANYTHING AND I’LL DO IT, JUST PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE! I – I DON’T – JUST – JUST
GO AWAY!” At this, it tilted its head to the side slightly, and continued to
stare.
I stood, angrier now than I was when I went out
there. After another moment of staring the creature down, I walked forward with
as much solemnity as I could muster, and plunged my fist into the creature’s
gut.
It was completely unfazed, and my hand felt as
though it had passed through air. What’s more, the creature – with horrifying
rapidity – wrapped its long arms around me in a dark embrace, and I lost
consciousness.
I awoke this morning on my bed. I jolted awake and
collected myself after a moment, remembering the night’s events. I curled up
into a ball, and began to sob quietly, repeating “Why?” over and over.
Why indeed.
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