Jeff Jones, Week 8

“What brought the spider to that height,

Then steered the white moth thither in the night?

What but design of darkness to appall –

If design govern in a thing so small?”

Robert Frost. Part of a larger sonnet. Good for him.

Why. That’s been on my mind all week. I think it’s pretty clear that I’ve been a terrible person since all this started. I certainly feel that way. Alone is how I should be, now – nobody gets hurt that way, since the creature seems perfectly willing to enforce that I stay alone in its own way.

But why did this start? Did I do something to incur the wrath of this bastard? Did I NOT do something that I should have? Is this some sort of divine punishment for sins?

Why. I cannot fathom why.

My week has been solitary. I ventured into town for groceries once, and did not say a word to anyone, or make eye contact. I can’t afford to get friendly. Nobody else will die because of me. I’ve tried to bury myself in my work, in the hopes that doing so will provide some reason to continue living. But I am pessimistic. I am damned to this slice of hell for reasons I have not been blessed with understanding of.

Last night the creature finally reappeared outside my window. I walked over to the window and stared it in the face. I’m not even scared of it anymore. I think it’s just here to taunt me now. As I stared at it, it moved its head slightly. It looked even more inhuman up close than it did from afar. I was suddenly filled with an unbelievable rage, and ran out my front door into the yard, standing feet away from the creature, with nothing between us but air. I fumed and balled up my fist, my fingernails digging into the palm of my hand, and in an instant all of my thoughts erupted forth.

I shouted at the top of my lungs.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT!?” The creature stared, unmoving.

I inhaled sharply and continued. “I DON’T GET IT, WHAT DID I DO? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT EVEN ARE YOU!?” It did not move.

“JUST GIVE ME A SIGN, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, ANYTHING AND I’LL DO IT, JUST PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE! I – I DON’T – JUST – JUST GO AWAY!” At this, it tilted its head to the side slightly, and continued to stare.

I stood, angrier now than I was when I went out there. After another moment of staring the creature down, I walked forward with as much solemnity as I could muster, and plunged my fist into the creature’s gut.

It was completely unfazed, and my hand felt as though it had passed through air. What’s more, the creature – with horrifying rapidity – wrapped its long arms around me in a dark embrace, and I lost consciousness.

I awoke this morning on my bed. I jolted awake and collected myself after a moment, remembering the night’s events. I curled up into a ball, and began to sob quietly, repeating “Why?” over and over.

Why indeed.